The Nice List

I have a friend who regularly refers to this mental list he has of the nicest people he's ever met. I'm pretty sure the list doesn't actually exist on paper - it's just his way of saying that person he just met or is getting to know right now is reaaaally, reaaally nice. He meets a lot of people, so there's no way he could keep an accurate list. And if he had an actual list, I think it would be on his phone, anyway. Whether the list has been recorded or not, one thing is sure: 

I am not on it. 

And I'm (mostly) okay with that, because this is someone who knows me very well. We joke about this list. I know he loves our family, and I hope he knows how much we love his family - but we passed the need to prove anything to each other a long time ago, and so he knows the real me, and the real me is just not, in comparison, "nice." 

IT'S OKAY. Resist the urge to tell me how nice I am and hear me out. 

This came up in another conversation this week, and so I have been reflecting on it a bit - how to reconcile my personality type with the Gospel of Grace. In Christian circles, we have a lot of "neat ladies." It's like a whole category of people unto itself, generally populated by women who are consistently bubbly and whose natural flow of conversation includes at least 3 mentions of the Lord's handiwork per paragraph of spoken word. Example: "We were so blessed because the Lord gave us a covered parking spot at Bible Study in the middle of this beautiful thunderstorm he gave us to nourish His amazing creation..."  These women have the gift of smiling, and are comfortable laughing a lot and are almost NEVER sarcastic. But when they are sarcastic it's flippin' adorable, because it's so uncharacteristic and you would just never imagine something so...human...coming out of that precious little mouth.

I truly do love women like this. I admire them and I wish I could be more like them, in the same way that I wish I could sing on Broadway. But I promise you, if people who know me well witnessed that kind of behavior from me, they would think I had a head injury. It's just not me. It is not how I was created.

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that someone's personality is the sole reflection of their spirituality. It's just not true. I watch these neat ladies and think, "Wow, so much JOY - they must seriously have it all together...God will never use me because my less-than-bubbly personality is attractive to no one. I will just round people up and go introduce them to HER..." But then Grace steps in and I am reminded that I am made in God's image, and God must have an introspective, observant, sarcastic, tell-it-like-it-is side whose laugh goes from a forced, polite chuckle to all-out embarrassing crying without warning. 

So, here's to you other neat ladies - I see you...sitting in the back of the room, moderating your sarcasm, processing your thoughts before they spill out, thinking the hard thoughts, trying to find that smile that will show that you really are a happy person. Keep being your beautiful, brooding selves. God is at work in you - just maybe not with as much glitter.