What I Learned While Married to Billy Joel

Last night, I dreamed that I was married to Billy Joel. It was one of those dreams where I was engaged in something else - and I just, mid-dream, remembered that I was married to Billy. Apparently it wasn't going well, because I didn't know where he was...I had to track him down and then, as if we hadn't spoken in days, there was a mad rush to answer the phone when it said "Billy Joel calling..." and a sweet, intimate profile picture like the one you see here popped up. Because, you know, we were married and all, and the best picture I had of him was a professional shot of him on stage.

(I am aware of how weird it is not only to have this dream, but also to admit it. I am also aware of the potential risks I face by sharing this on the interweb, probably realized in jokes made at my expense by my real and wonderful husband, who is not Billy Joel. But come on. I know I'm not the only one.)

I have spent a good portion of the week feeling like the kid in the corner with coke-bottle glasses and food stuck in her braces. Some force has taken over that has had me believing that everyone on the planet is SO MUCH COOLER than me. (Well, and here I go posting about Billy Joel again... maybe there's something to that...)

Last week, I mentioned on facebook that I want to be friends with Jimmy Fallon, because his unbridled enthusiasm is so cool, and I just want to be around it. And then we saw Iron Man 3, and Robert Downey, Jr is absolutely the definition of cool. One of my friends did the coolest thing for Mother's Day, and some friends from church organized this amazing beach barbecue for the homeless community down there and then this morning I watched a clip of a Don Miller talk and everyone else is just INCREDIBLY COOL...and here I am drowning in housework and dance rehearsals.

It feels so good to be writing again, to be actively training all those fish in my head to swim in the same direction. But as I've begun the work of finding my voice, of re-engaging my mind and seeking material and thoughts (like weird dreams) to process, I've realized that either a) I don't think highly enough of myself, or b) I think too highly of others, or, most likely c) both.

Billy Joel is a cool guy. You may not care for his music, but you gotta admit that someone who can fill a stadium in his 60s is pretty incredible. And if you're over 30, I guarantee you know the words to at least one of his songs.

But when I woke up this morning, after a night married to the Piano Man, I had that unsettling feeling that you get when you dig your way back to reality. The Billy in my dream was insecure and broken. My heart woke up sad for my new friend as I fought my way to consciousness. But then consciousness took over and reality won and I realized: everyone on my cool list is insecure and broken in some way. It's why we need each other, and it's why we need Jesus.


As my new voice takes shape, I want to be honest, but I don't mean to be depressing. I do want your feedback, but I don't ever mean to solicit praise, ever. Life is hard, but it is amazing. Like you, I have everything I could ever want or need. I really do understand, like Don reminded me this morning, that the Act 3 climax of our life story isn't going to happen on earth. All the cool experiences that add to my story here aren't going to compare to that day, and all of the uncool ones aren't going to take away from it.

So here's the reality: Insecure and broken though I may be, the people who matter think I am pretty darn cool. And that's more than enough for this life.

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Will Jesus fulfill us here on earth? from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.


Photo borrowed from Donald Gibson.


Comments

I like it when you write about Billy Joel. :)

I just finished editing a friend's devotional ebook, and in it she referenced someone else who said that when we play the comparison game we end up either thinking too much or too little of ourselves. That's so true in my life. It's so true that I'll tell you this - sometimes when I am so down from thinking too little of myself I go in search of a comparison that I know will make me think too much of myself. That is no good.

I'm glad to hear your new voice coming out here.

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