Defensive
As I tossed and turned last night, sleep eluded me. I'd had kind of a busy day, had stayed up late and tried to wear myself out preventing a sleepless night, but I still found myself studying the clock at 2:42...3:17...
The problem wasn't that I had taken a long nap or had a lot of caffeine or couldn't get comfortable. The problem was that something was missing. A six-foot-2, sandy-haired something that belonged on the other side of the pillow.
I've never had a problem sleeping while Matt's out of town. Well, I've just never really had a problem sleeping (she writes, at 12:36 a.m....) I get numerous invites from people with extra beds who are concerned for my safety/health/sleep when they realize I'll be solo, but I have always been just fine, thank you.
But last night, for some reason, it wasn't happening. My defender wasn't there.
We laugh about this, because he says he feels the same way when I'm not home. As if I'm the one who's going to grab the Louisville Slugger and chase out the burglar. Technically, if either of us are actually hoping to be defended in such fashion, we'd better buy a bat.
My point here is that we are programmed to want to be defended. And we are programmed to defend.
Today, Pastor brought up the Biblical account of Jesus' arrest. Peter, James and John were supposed to be keeping watch in the garden while Jesus prayed, but they fell asleep - comfortable enough in each other's presence to drift off. Jesus returns to check on them, wakes them up - three times - and tells them the time has come.
The time, of course, is the moment when Jesus is being handed over by Judas. We read about how a groggy Peter comes to, decides NOW is the time to keep watch, pulls his sword and swings for Malchus's neck, missing and cutting off his ear instead.
This is what struck me this morning (other than Why on earth was Peter carrying a sword?):
Jesus doesn't need us to defend him.
In all four accounts, Jesus rebukes Peter and one of them actually records Jesus undoing what Peter did to defend him. Each author chooses to highlight a unique part of the rebuke, but the main idea is: "Come on, Peter. Have you learned nothing? Don't you realize that I have all of the angels in heaven at my disposal and could call them if I needed them? And you're going to fix this with some sloppy swordsmanship? I don't need you to defend me."
I tried to recall any passages of scripture where Jesus does, in fact, call us to defend him, and I came up short. Then I thought about how much of my time might be spent trying to defend Jesus. And then I thought about how any time I do spend trying to defend Jesus is time spent not actually believing Jesus.
I defend Jesus when I hesitate to talk about him to a friend "who I don't think is ready for him." (Wouldn't want Jesus to experience that kind of rejection.) I defend Jesus when I try to put a nice, shiny bow around a friend's life-crushing problem. "It's all part of his plan, you know. Don't give up on him." (Wouldn't want Jesus to get any bad publicity, you know.) I defend Jesus when I am so careful not to give up too much of my time, my resources, my body in service. (Gotta be the best "ME" I can be - Jesus needs that from me.)
Isaiah 48 records just one place of many where God is addressing Israel who was relying pretty heavily on themselves and their created idols, rather than on their Creator and Deliverer. God is ready to wipe them off the map but he checks himself in verse 9:
It's another manifestation of grace and freedom, really. God releases us from the obligation of being some kind of earthly bodyguard, freeing us to spend more time doing the things he's actually called us to do. And He's given us plenty to defend - just not Himself.
The problem wasn't that I had taken a long nap or had a lot of caffeine or couldn't get comfortable. The problem was that something was missing. A six-foot-2, sandy-haired something that belonged on the other side of the pillow.
I've never had a problem sleeping while Matt's out of town. Well, I've just never really had a problem sleeping (she writes, at 12:36 a.m....) I get numerous invites from people with extra beds who are concerned for my safety/health/sleep when they realize I'll be solo, but I have always been just fine, thank you.
But last night, for some reason, it wasn't happening. My defender wasn't there.
We laugh about this, because he says he feels the same way when I'm not home. As if I'm the one who's going to grab the Louisville Slugger and chase out the burglar. Technically, if either of us are actually hoping to be defended in such fashion, we'd better buy a bat.
My point here is that we are programmed to want to be defended. And we are programmed to defend.
Today, Pastor brought up the Biblical account of Jesus' arrest. Peter, James and John were supposed to be keeping watch in the garden while Jesus prayed, but they fell asleep - comfortable enough in each other's presence to drift off. Jesus returns to check on them, wakes them up - three times - and tells them the time has come.
The time, of course, is the moment when Jesus is being handed over by Judas. We read about how a groggy Peter comes to, decides NOW is the time to keep watch, pulls his sword and swings for Malchus's neck, missing and cutting off his ear instead.
This is what struck me this morning (other than Why on earth was Peter carrying a sword?):
Jesus doesn't need us to defend him.
In all four accounts, Jesus rebukes Peter and one of them actually records Jesus undoing what Peter did to defend him. Each author chooses to highlight a unique part of the rebuke, but the main idea is: "Come on, Peter. Have you learned nothing? Don't you realize that I have all of the angels in heaven at my disposal and could call them if I needed them? And you're going to fix this with some sloppy swordsmanship? I don't need you to defend me."
I tried to recall any passages of scripture where Jesus does, in fact, call us to defend him, and I came up short. Then I thought about how much of my time might be spent trying to defend Jesus. And then I thought about how any time I do spend trying to defend Jesus is time spent not actually believing Jesus.
I defend Jesus when I hesitate to talk about him to a friend "who I don't think is ready for him." (Wouldn't want Jesus to experience that kind of rejection.) I defend Jesus when I try to put a nice, shiny bow around a friend's life-crushing problem. "It's all part of his plan, you know. Don't give up on him." (Wouldn't want Jesus to get any bad publicity, you know.) I defend Jesus when I am so careful not to give up too much of my time, my resources, my body in service. (Gotta be the best "ME" I can be - Jesus needs that from me.)
Isaiah 48 records just one place of many where God is addressing Israel who was relying pretty heavily on themselves and their created idols, rather than on their Creator and Deliverer. God is ready to wipe them off the map but he checks himself in verse 9:
For my own name's sake I delay my wrath;and in verse 11:
for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you,
so as not to cut you off.
God is saying here that He doesn't need our defense, because everything he does is for his own glory. It's his plan that will prevail, not ours. Peter's defense of Jesus? That was for his own glory. My defense of Jesus? That's for my own glory. God will protect his own name at any cost, because He is faithful and true and what he says he will do, he will do. Fortunately for us, God's name is Rescuer.
For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another.
It's another manifestation of grace and freedom, really. God releases us from the obligation of being some kind of earthly bodyguard, freeing us to spend more time doing the things he's actually called us to do. And He's given us plenty to defend - just not Himself.
Comments
I am constantly reminding myself that my glory does not come first. It shouldn't even come second. God and God alone deserves the glory for anything good that comes from me.
He's the one who placed that good there in the first place.