And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming

You might be wondering why it's been 3 weeks since I've written anything.

I'm wondering the same thing.

I mean, really. I wrote that fantastic post about celebrating little victories, and then I fell headlong into a spiral of defeat. Sort of.

What really happened was life. And some defeat.

It seems that, no matter what I tell myself, or what God tells me, or what my friends and family tell me, regardless of how rational I can be, in spite of digging to the core of my being to dredge out any bit of patience and determination I can find, I am downright frustrated.

So, there you have it.

My goal date came and went. I suppose I should be thrilled about the victories along the way - like being able to run more than 2 miles, losing a couple of inches, becoming familiar with yoga and the miracle that I actually look forward to spinning classes now... but my reality is that I'm not where I want to be, and I am having trouble seeing any progress. I want results that I can see. And feel.

I'm having a hard time with the "do it to be healthy" mindset. I'm such a child. I want rewards. I want "do it and your body will look fantastic in those cruise photos."

Cruise photos. Now that it's out, I'll tell you: that was the goal. Well, that was a reason for setting the goal for that date. I knew I was going on a cruise. I knew I'd be in a swimsuit. I knew Matt would take 371 photos. I wanted to look at those photos and think, "I did it!" Instead, I look at those photos and I think... ugh. Not what I expected.

So, with that goal date come and gone, it's time for new goals, new dates and new rewards.