A little history of me: Does Not Play Well With (Groups of) Others
***Addendum/Disclaimer/Clarification*** I am told this could be interpreted as me saying I don't have any friends. Not at all what I was saying!! God has blessed me with many wonderful, wonderful friends. I have friends who I know would do anything for me, and friends I can talk to on the phone for a really long time every night, and friends I can talk to every six months and still consider among my closest allies. I LOVE my friends. This post was just an observation that I seem to operate best with each of those friends, one at a time. On the rare occasions that I get to go out for a girls' night - the "girls" are not a given, whereas if I had a Group, one wouldn't have to ask with whom I spent the girls' night. It would be obvious: I was with my Group.
I managed to learn a few things in middle school. For instance, I learned that adults liked me more than kids did. I learned that girls could be really, truly mean, but that I still really, really wanted to be accepted by them. I got used to always feeling like I was on the outside looking in - "groups" here, "groups" there. I was the free agent, with no binding contract, bouncing around to whoever drafted me next. In middle school, that is not who you want to be. In middle school, you want a Group.
In high school, I embraced my free agency and took advantage of the opportunity to choose my own Group - an eclectic mix of brainy guys and non-squealing girls who chose experimenting in the kitchen and crazy road trips over experimenting in the liquor cabinet and, well, crazy road trips. I loved my Group, but, scarred from middle school, I intently shied away from "girl time."
The guys in my Group came with me to college, and together we made more guy friends. I met some girls, but they always came in pairs. With an absentee roommate and no girlfriends from home, I was, again, the Free Agent.
For a two-year stint, I had a Group. I (or, more accurately, my parents) paid heavily for them by joining a sorority, but I adored them and through all kinds of weather we all stuck together.
But we graduated, and I got married, and Matt became my Group. Together, we have a Group. But with the girls, I am still a Free Agent. I have favorite past teammates with whom I am still in contact, and I have current players that I work well with, but the reality is - due either to my own reluctance to open up or my lack of ability to be fun in a crowd of only girls - (guys think I'm funny, girls don't seem to know what to think, and older people still like me more than anyone my own age does) - I don't have a Group.
And - confession time - last week, for the first time in many years, my Free Agent status bothered me. I missed out on a Girls' Night -one with some of my closest friends - and again found myself planted outside, looking in. Not so much thinking, "I want a Group," but, "God just didn't make me a Group person." And then wondering, why? Is that okay? Should I just accept it? Should I make a stronger effort? Should I just post about it and get it out of my head?
Clearly, I chose the latter.
I managed to learn a few things in middle school. For instance, I learned that adults liked me more than kids did. I learned that girls could be really, truly mean, but that I still really, really wanted to be accepted by them. I got used to always feeling like I was on the outside looking in - "groups" here, "groups" there. I was the free agent, with no binding contract, bouncing around to whoever drafted me next. In middle school, that is not who you want to be. In middle school, you want a Group.
In high school, I embraced my free agency and took advantage of the opportunity to choose my own Group - an eclectic mix of brainy guys and non-squealing girls who chose experimenting in the kitchen and crazy road trips over experimenting in the liquor cabinet and, well, crazy road trips. I loved my Group, but, scarred from middle school, I intently shied away from "girl time."
The guys in my Group came with me to college, and together we made more guy friends. I met some girls, but they always came in pairs. With an absentee roommate and no girlfriends from home, I was, again, the Free Agent.
For a two-year stint, I had a Group. I (or, more accurately, my parents) paid heavily for them by joining a sorority, but I adored them and through all kinds of weather we all stuck together.
But we graduated, and I got married, and Matt became my Group. Together, we have a Group. But with the girls, I am still a Free Agent. I have favorite past teammates with whom I am still in contact, and I have current players that I work well with, but the reality is - due either to my own reluctance to open up or my lack of ability to be fun in a crowd of only girls - (guys think I'm funny, girls don't seem to know what to think, and older people still like me more than anyone my own age does) - I don't have a Group.
And - confession time - last week, for the first time in many years, my Free Agent status bothered me. I missed out on a Girls' Night -one with some of my closest friends - and again found myself planted outside, looking in. Not so much thinking, "I want a Group," but, "God just didn't make me a Group person." And then wondering, why? Is that okay? Should I just accept it? Should I make a stronger effort? Should I just post about it and get it out of my head?
Clearly, I chose the latter.
Comments
and I think Billy Joel has it in his contract that he has to play here at least once a year for the rest of his life.
and it has a fun college sports environment. should I go on?
if you guys ever become free agents let us know. if not, we'll be happy to remain a part of the "world-wide group".
But B., Jennifer & Photoqueen - I am sure that if we were connected in real life the way we are in cyberspace, I am sure we would make an Awesome Group of Smart, Funny Girls! :)
also, i was always very jealous of girls who got to hang out with guys as friends. i never knew how to hang out with guys on any level, and i think they were weirded out by me too, but always dreamed of it. cool dad is my first real guy friend! (and more, of course hehe)