Dear Boy Mom,

I watched you get out of your car with your son, a tall, handsome boy. I watched you fumble with your keys and I watched him close his car door and, for a moment, I mused about what it would be like to have a boy. It's not the little boys that get me as much as it is the teenage boys - that thought of being your son's number one girl...I like that idea. So I sat in the drive thru lane and watched as he rounded the back of the SUV, and I watched as he made that gargling sound and then I watched him spit approximately one cup of saliva right there onto the pavement in the Starbucks parking lot.

And it was the strangest thing, because I thought I saw you do, well, nothing.

Maybe you didn't see him, or maybe it was one of those days and that's why you were at Starbucks in the first place. But just in case, I want you to know this from the heart of a Girl Mom: spitting in public is not okay.

It's not "virile" - it's "disgusting." It's not "necessary" - it's "disrespectful." And while expectorating on any paved surface is completely unacceptable, you should be aware that it is also not attractive on the pitcher's mound or in the dugout or behind the bench, regardless of whether it's just what guys do. I'm not talking about the I-have-a-cold-and-I-have-to-get-this-junk-out-somewhere occasional spit into a bush somewhere, or even the I-just-ran-suicides-and-I'm-about-to-throw-up-finish-line spit. I am talking about habitual, it's-what-guys-do, I-just-got-out-of-the-car spitting.

Boys should be boys, and they should grow into young men who will be young men. I fully support that. And when they're out with their buddies and, well, whatever. We don't have to know what goes on. But I'm working hard over here to raise proper young ladies, hopefully the kind you pray for your sweet boy to marry someday, and I would really appreciate your help.Please let that boy know that there are beautiful girls out there who are being taught to expect respect, and that respect requires self-control, and spitting in her presence, like before he opens the car door for her, is neither self-controlled nor respectful.

While I'm at it I have a few other requests on behalf of girl moms everywhere. In addition to teaching them not to spew saliva in public, these few things might make our lives as Girl Moms a little easier - and might get your boys out of your house before they are forty.

1. Manners. Yes ma'am, no ma'am, please and thank you. Trust me, they can do it. I've seen it. Start before they can talk.

2. Eye contact. Require it. Seriously. Stand there with that 3 year old, as awkward as it may be, until that kid looks the adult who greeted them in the eye, and, in turn, greets that adult. This will come in handy when he comes to knock on the door to pick up my daughter.

3. Don't let them break stuff without trying to fix it. Boys are rough, and boys break stuff. Got it. But being a boy should not give them a pass to not be responsible for what they've broken. I cannot even tell you how many times something in our house has been broken - many times on purpose - and the perpetrator's mother has looked at me plaintively and said, "oops. Boys." I'm sorry, but NO. Please teach that boy now, that when he breaks something, it affects someone. I don't care about my stuff, I care about what you're teaching that boy who may marry my daughter some day. 

4.  See number 3, but apply it to relationships. If we let boys be boys in all areas, then men stay boys, and girls get hurt.

This may be a lot to ask, as I will never understand what it's like to be a Boy Mom. But please, can we just agree on the spitting?

Sincerely,

Girl Mom

Photo Credit: National Archives of Ireland