Two Weeks Out: Part Two - In Which God Changes the Rules

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God and I have this little game that we play.

I think He calls it: Go Ahead, Make a Decision and Then See What Happens When I Change the Circumstances at The Last Minute.

I am a notorious mind-changer. Mind-changing differs from wishy-washiness in that I say, affirmatively, what I am going to do. And then, usually at The Last Minute, I say that I am going to do the other thing. For example: I will stare at a restaurant menu and declare I am having the Grilled Chicken Salad. And then I will hear myself say to the server: "Bleu Cheese Burger and fries, please."

It happened with my college choice. "I am definitely going out of state." And then..."Two bits, Four bits....all for the Gators..."

It happened with getting married. "I am starting my career, somewhere exotic." Followed 4 months later by..."I do."

It's happened with having kids and with nearly every vacation I've ever planned. I make a plan. God changes the circumstances. I eat my words and spew out unexpected ones.

So now, we have reached The Last Minute, and as was to be expected, circumstances have changed a bit. But it's a little different this time.

Part of the decision to put Eden in school at all was that I felt like she and I weren't ready to weather a parent-as-teacher relationship. She needs more stimulation than I am prepared to provide. She needs a social environment. And I need a break.

God's twist: We have had a GREAT summer. The girls have been playing well together, entertaining themselves. We've been successful at the school-prep work we've done and learned a mess of words together. And she seems to have mellowed out a bit and matured into a (somewhat) more obedient child who makes great company.

So now, instead of looking forward to handing her over to someone for a few hours a day, I sob into my pillow about sending my little girl away. I get out the homeschool catalogs and browse curriculum, gaining confidence in my ability to teach her.

But then I remember how convicted we were at the beginning of the summer about the decision. I remember how exciting it felt to be following Christ's lead, and how much we want to be a part of bringing the Kingdom to wherever we are - and how that's going to involve leaving the house. And I wake up and read your comments and I know we have to give it a try. I feel like this time, God changed the circumstances to see if we would run away from the call.

Comments

Loren Eaton said…
I've played that game, too. For the past four-or-so years.
August 4, 2008 at 1:10 PM
berry said…
I like the "Write" family...
August 5, 2008 at 8:06 AM
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